Friday, December 14, 2012

26. the stages of dating

Relationships really take a lot of effort and is very draining. There are many levels, stages, and does-and-don'ts to do when you begin to reveal yourself slightly to a potential soulmate. It usually starts by meeting someone through a mutual friend, at a bar, through work, etc.
"I think you're cute and funny, let's go out sometime. Give me your number."
"Okay, sure."
Stage 1: I don't know you, you don't know me.
This is the stage where you watch everything you say, what you wear, whether anything is stuck on your teeth, where you want to laugh like a walrus but instead you laugh politely. This is the stage where you hold your fart from the second you meet that person until you go to the toilet, or worse, home.

Potential conversation:
A: So, where did you grow up?B: In KL... I went to SMKXX... my parents split when I was seven.. A: Oh really, I'm so sorry to hear about it. Are you alright?B: S'Okay... I was forced to move to XX bla bla bla
And lots of smiling, tucking your hair behind your years, body signals, etc.

Then it's:
- LET ME PAY -- OH NO I INSIST -- NO PLEASE, I'M THE GUY -- I BELIEVE IN 50:50 -- HOW BOUT YOU TAKE NEXT ROUND-- OKAY -
Before: I had a great time - me too - soooo I look forward to seeing you again - okay, I'll call you later. 

And then you'll shut the car door and sigh to yourself.
And smile when you received a text/whatsapp from him saying "I had a great time tonight, free tomorrow?"

Thus you guys start whatsapping/texting each other daily.

Stage 2: You know XX?
This is the stage when you try to act coy and play cool, when all you want to do is call/text/whatsapp each other every day. You'll receive random messages from him throughout the day, with silly 9gag images and jokes and "I was thinking about you..." You try to slot in dinner with him once a week regardless of how busy both schedules are.

Stage 3: Motherfaka.
This is the stage when you find out that he's a devious cunt that has a girlfriend. All hell breaks loose. 

Stage 4: Armageddon
This is the stage where you curse the asshole for all eternity and you swear that you'll never let a guy in anymore, that why oh why are all guys are jerks. ugh.

Stage 5: Repeat Stage 1 - 4.
- THE END -

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