Friday, August 29, 2014

85. What makes a marriage work?

Me and the fiancé had an interesting conversation the other day.
He mentioned an article he read online, aaaand it goes something like this:
'Apparently there was this marriage counsellor, who wrote an article.. she said that nowadays the reason divorces are more frequent is due to the fact that women now are more independent compared to the olden days. Before this, women would stay at home, cook, do chores, have kids, looks after the kids, whilst the men would go out and find ways to make money. Men would be the one who cheat. Because they can. Women were more dependent on men. 
'But now, women are equally as successful, if not even more. Not all women stay at home, cook, do chores. Many women opt not to have kids. They find their own way to make money. Women are the one with the power to cheat.
'In the counselling sessions, the men had adopted more feminine traits, and the women adopted a more masculine trait. The men would be the one breaking down, crying. Whilst the women would admit, on their part, that they had cheated on their spouses. So in a way, society had switch roles,' he concluded, driving nonchalantly down Tol Sungai Besi.
'Okay, b, what is your point?' I asked.
'There is no point. Just sharing with you,' he replied.
Gender inequality or equality? 

When I thought about it, it's quite true. Women are so successful now! We are so driven and determined to forge our own career paths. And wow, my heart is full of pride to hear many females doing so well. Vivy Yusof from, Malaysia's own entrepreneur who successfully launched an online fashions store. Indra Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCO, the second largest food and beverage business in the world by net revenue. Beyonce. Oprah. Kimora Lee Simmons. Powerful, strong women.

Sometimes, I am scared at my own determination to make my own way in the world that I tend to say yes to every opportunity I get to expand my name.

But maybe... along the way, some career women (not these mega women) got caught up in the thrill of the chase. The adrenaline. It's fine when you start dating that you experience butterflies in your stomach. When you fret for hours about what you are suppose to wear on a date. When you're so comfortable with someone, you tend to forget about dressing up. Out comes the sweats, the hoodies. Letting him see you barefaced is okay. So maybe that is when the sizzle fizzles out.

BUT! When someone else woos you, you melt and immediately that's when the relationship is in troubled waters. That is when you forget about what you and your partner for life has gone through. Instead, you start having feelings for someone who is feeding you what you have felt before.

I don't think you get married, have kids, live old together and that's it. I think a marriage is hard work. I've witnessed many people who are married, and the love just disappears after X amount of years. All the imperfections are easy to see, easy to pick out, you begin to find his quirkiness annoying. All his flaws irritate you to no end.

So, in a marriage, I think there should always be a balance between partners. But the best thing is, to never let a marriage become routine. Yes it's nice to watch Walking Dead marathons. Go for brunch. Attend weddings together. Read books together. But the key is you need to always add spice and surprises. A vacation. A date. A movie. Reading interesting articles to each other, even if the other party is yawning away. A walk in the park. Roses. Chocolates. Special, er, nights. I think many people have emphasized on how sex is an important part of marriage. Hopefully, when someone reads this, he/she realizes that I love white and pink roses ahem. With God's will, may our union be blessed and full of good surprises!

This post is a tribute to my favourite Hollywood couple, BRANGELINA, WHO FINALLY WHO TIED THE FREAKING KNOT! I still love you Angelina even though you're a homewrecker. Ho!