Friday, January 13, 2012

11. the key to happiness

letting go of everything.

most of the times, people ask me, "how do you get over a 6 year relationship?"

i am not someone who can just automatically turn off my feelings. most of the friends who listen to me bitch and moan will be irritated after i repeated what happened between me and ex. so i kept the feelings to myself, kept it raging.

honestly, a month plus ago my heart was like a furnace set on fire. my rage was the fuel that kept it burning. i was so bitter, so full of hate, and blamed every guy for being so weak. every time i listened to love songs, i would cry. you know, that feeling that you have in your heart where it feels like someone's wringing it dry. adele's songs would hit me so hard.

i had to go through a lot of songs before i found a song that gave me such clarity. in a second of listening to this song, i felt that i was over him. that i finally wanted to let go of all these emotions inside.
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say goodbye to you
goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love, the one thing that I tried to hold on to

that's right. michelle branch's "goodbye to you". it took me a while to get to where i am today. and i am so blessed, so lucky, to have the support of friends and family who have been there. who have counselling me, giving me words, like "chicken soup for the soul". they kept me busy.

there are things you can do just by yourself with a crowd:
i started to go to back to gym.
make friends with your local bartender.
go shisha. watch movies. read books in my spare time.
immerse myself in work.

there are things you can do with your friends:
i started to go out with other guys
i go out drinking and clubbing in the company of good people.
meet random people in the bar and clubs.
dance with random guys and talk to them.
let them buy you drinks and flowers and write their number on paper money LOL.
*some of them are dickheads but you can't blame one or two rotten apple on the whole orchard
promise guys that you'll meet them in a certain bar but don't show up.

basically, keep myself busy.

this week alone, well... on:
  • sunday night i went to the local bar (and the bartender is a good friend of mine).
  • monday night i met an old friend.
  • tuesday night i met a mutual friend.
  • wednesday night i went clubbing. i stumbled back home at 5 am.
  • thursday night (last night) i went to the local bar with a bunch of friends and then shisha-ed afterwards and ate burgers until 3 plus in the morning. tonight (friday) i'm heading down to seremban for a chilled-out holiday with a bunch of close friends.

part of work: attending a press conference filled to the brim with gorgeous malaysian celebs!


you cannot go home alone. because when you're at home, doing nothing, your brain/heart/mind/whatever will start to relive the past.

and the most awesome thing is, i don't have to ask for company.
most of the time i'll get a random call/text/whatsapp and it'll be like heyyyy, are you free? hell yes! let's meet up K OKOKOKOK LOLOLOLOL. the stupid silly convos you have.

and that's when i started listening to other songs. songs that will make you happy. seriously, hold on to the following list of songs because it will put a smile on your face. help you get back on your feet. to remind you that life is short and you need to just have a ball and roll with it.

playlist to listen to for you know just how amazing you are:
  • alicia keys - superwomen
  • bobby mcferrin - don't worry, be happy
  • florence & the machines - dog days are over
  • johnny nash - i can see clearly now
  • rihanna - take a bow
  • queen - don't stop me now
  • U2 - beautiful day
these are just some of the amazing songs available in the world written for you, to start living your life. and FOR FUCK'S SAKE please do not listen to sappy, bawl-your-eyes-out music. go out with your friends and have a fucking good time. go bowling. go dance.

i came back home 6.30 am one day and had to leave for work at 8.30 am the same day.

was it tiring?
but it's those kind of days you keep to yourself.
and laugh at how stupid you were to go when you're working the next day.
but then you smile at how fun it all was.

AND. it. just. feels. bloody. good. to let go of all the pain. all the hurt. i'll keep the good memories to remember him by, but eventually even those memories will fade, and be replaced by new ones made by maybe someone special.

and now, life has been really amazing to me.
i have never smiled this much.
i have never felt so happy.
i have never felt so content.

a dear friend told me, "i'm so glad that you're happy. you look so beautiful when you smile." so maybe i should smile all the time now, eh? i kid, i kid. but when you're happy, you'll just bubble up with a glow of happiness.

and yes, life is good. i'm feeling life. this is the way life was meant to be. hope anyone who reads this feels the same way about their own life too.

1 comment:

  1. Dear, be strong be strong

    You'll be happy. Im really envy how you did it...


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